Who Are These People?

So for the past month I have been sitting at home desperately trying to frustrate myself looking for a new job. We won't go into my situation with my previous employer (spineless shit-gobblers they are), but I have found this new job-hunting extravaganza to be highly distressing and crime-spree inducing. Now a lot of people will tell you that there are no jobs out there, but that is complete and utter bullshit. There are plenty of jobs out there. The problem is that you aren't qualified for any of them.
If you are one of the millions of Americans looking for a job these days, you know exactly what I'm talking about. This is the Baby Boomer's Recession. I say that because if you look at the job opportunities out there you realize that you'd have to be at least in your 40s to have the level of experience that companies are looking for these days. Today's employer wants 5-7 years ad agency experience, 3 years managing at least 15 employees, 3-6 years project management experience,7+ years of IT experience, ability to travel 90%, must be able to speak Japanese, must be proficient in Photoshop,Access, SPSS, Masters degree preferred, medical billing experience preferred, must have manufacturing experience, working knowledge of automobile sales required, only applicants with experience building time machines will be considered.
Now besides the time machine experience, I mean who can't build one of those, name a mid 20s to mid 30s person you know who meets at least 3 of those requirements. After you name those persons, please email me their name and address so that I can kidnap them and assume their identity.
I know that companies are trying to find one person to fill essentially 2 or 3 positions, but does anyone else find this kind of insane? Secondly, are employers seriously finding people to fill these jobs? Because once again, I'd like to kidnap them and assume their identity.